The 'New Normal' - 2013/2014

I have not blogged in a while. 

Honestly, I want to be a consistent blogger. Not for anyone's affirmation but my own desire to get thoughts down in print. I really do not care a ton if my thoughts are not read or noticed.  However, I know I'll feel some sense of relief to get these jumbled words in my head out of me! :) 

The 'new normal'~ Last summer our oldest son, Caleb, married his love. In July, in a midwestern town, in a family favorite place, he joined his life with her life to create their 'new normal'. This event began the new normal for our family, for me. When you are a unit of seven and one of the seven branches off to form a unit of two, it changes the core. We love our Rae. She loves our Caleb. God is good to bless them with each other and to bless our family with another daughter. They presently make their home many miles away. We miss them. We treasure when we have time together, as the Lord allows it to happen. 

Our oldest girl, Rebekah, continued her schooling in CO in August. She is my friend. She is a favored big sister. We all miss her but trust her life to God who has her right where He desires her to be…for now. He may have a 'new normal' for her one day not too far away. 

In September, our three high schoolers began a new year. This time around as two sophomores and a senior. 

As Anna began her senior year, the reality once again settled in…one more will take her wings and fly, maybe close to home, maybe away. Regardless, things are changing and will change all the more as she is led to be further educated, work or serve in some (still unknown) way. Everything for her is 'the last time'; last soccer game, last Christmas concert, etc. Bittersweet. Our sweet Pixie Girl is a beautiful young woman who loves God and people. 

The boys, Joseph and Jonathan, are young MEN.  This is an amazing phenomenon.  My little twinsies, JoJo and BoBo, are these quality young guys. They make me laugh and cry (tears of sweet sentiment). They love me, they serve me, they bless me. I look at these boys who are growing into fine men and I ask myself, "where, oh where did the last 10 years go?" It goes by fast folks! I regret at times not capturing more of the journey. But really, how could I and still keep some sanity. Five kids was a quiver full!! 

In August, after 4 1/2 years of living in Oregon without any extended family nearby, my parents move here. They live about twenty minutes away from us. They are involved in the lives of their grandchildren on a weekly basis. It has been an incredible blessing to have them near and have our lives intersect once again. *They celebrated their 50th this last December. Huge accomplishment. :) 

Now to our newest boy. I first have to say, we believe this boy has been our boy before the beginning of time. He was supposed to be our boy and we were to be his family all a long. It is just the process looked different for him than our bio kids. Terry Anthony Brown came to live with us permanently on Dec. 7th, 2013. When we are legally able to change his name he will be Terry Anthony James Polivka. The added James is so he too can have a family name (James is a name on both sides of our family) and also have a biblical name. His six older siblings have both a family name and a biblical name. Upon learning about this fact of his new siblings, he very adamantly and quickly said, I will have the same! With our Terry, everything has to be fair. :) 

The above has defined our 'new normal'. Well, sort of. 

The new normal is everything we thought it would be and nothing at all we foresaw it to be. Bringing an 11 year old boy into our home is one thing. Bringing Terry into our home is a whole new ballgame. 

Let me introduce you to our "T man". Terry is the second oldest of five bio siblings. He and his siblings were removed from parental care about five years ago. Since then he has been in 10 elementary schools and we are his 11th placement. (We plan to be his last placement!) Terry is a very bright boy. He is witty and quite a cutie. He is a busy boy who loves video games, riding his bike, swimming and a good reader! He fits right into the Polivka family; He is a social butterfly! (God's sense of humor played out by yet another extrovert in the Polivka family with lots of opinions.)  

Terry has never been apart of a functioning family unit. He has never been a 'team' member. He has never learned how to respect one another or be grateful or kind or sensitive to others in the home. He did not have parents teach him at age 2, 3 or 4 how to obey the first time or follow rules. Terry never witnessed a love for Mom and a respect for Dad. He did not learn the attributes of truth, honesty, forgiveness and sacrificial love. He never saw these attributes lived out during his young life growing up. We taught these things (sometimes have to review them!) with our other five children. As an eleven year old boy, Terry is learning these childhood/parenting concepts for the very first time. Our Joseph put it this way, (paraphrase) "Terry is very much like us all in personality, he actually fits in. He is a smart boy who has similar personality traits like the rest of us. He just was never taught, guided or corrected when he was young like we were. If he had that as a young boy, he would be doing just fine. It just makes it harder now. It is more work for us and him." Joseph is right. It is harder now. I've said recently, to young parents of young children…keep up the consistent, daily work in child training! It is worth all the effort and will be a blessing to you and your children later. We see this everyday. If only someone had taught Terry some of these life and character tools. But no, God has purposed for Dwight and I, for our family, to be the 'someones' to teach Terry these life tools. Praising God He is allowing us the privileged and joy to be the 'someones' to do the job! One of the absolute blessings has been the response by our older children. Dwight and I have been blown away at how they, each of them, have sacrificially loved their new brother and have entered into the process of guiding him, teaching him and loving him. We could not be more thankful for the way they have shown gospel love to Terry! 

This adoption journey is a lonely one. I have learned unless one is passionate themselves for adoption, many do not understand why you choose this route. Many have not understood why we have entered into adoption. Many will support and tell you what a great thing it is, but struggle with seeing the vision and calling to live out the gospel in this personal way. We feel we did not choose this route. We feel it was chosen for us…by God. He put it on our hearts to enter the adoption ring and fight for one of the many orphans waiting to be given a forever home. James 1:27 jumped off the page to us! When we began this process, we had no knowledge of Terry Brown. But God did! He had Terry waiting for us. He had our family waiting for Terry Brown. I had an absolute peace about adopting a child into our home. I STILL HAVE ABSOLUTE PEACE about adopting Terry into our home. Is it easy? No! Are there days when we want to give up? Yes, more like moments. Are we tired sometimes, all the time? Yes, an emotional weariness sets in. Terry is a lot of work. And not just for Dwight and I. He is work for his siblings, his teacher, his principal, his sunday school teachers, his grandparents (such a blessing to have them nearby to help with Terry) and he is work for himself. He is working hard to break bad habits, controlling mechanisms, coping strategies and poor behavior patterns developed since birth. We believe he wants this to work. We see hope in our boy T.  HOPE is what we cling to. We desire most of all for Terry to come to know Jesus. This is our foremost prayer. Secondly, we desire for him to 'cease striving' and settle in to the family, a family which loves him and desires a future with him, baggage and all. 

We desire for him to experience the family of God as well. We have heard it said, 'it takes a village to raise a child.' We have already experienced this played out with Terry joining our family. We are not prideful and feel we have it all under wraps. This is a new 'parenting' ballgame folks! We need you! I need you…  Bring on the village!!  :) 

And welcome to our 'new normal'!

Love this song! Speaks our heart and desire…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAlE2EnUP5A

Life Keeps Changing: Polivka updates...a bit long, pour a cup of coffee, tea or whatever will aid your reading.

It has been a while since I took time to blog. Life has been very full for our family over the last four months. LOTS of changes. Life never stay the same, that is for sure! If you are one of those who wants normalcy or a steady life and you have found it...I want to know what the secret is! :)

In May Dwight and I celebrated 25 years of marriage.
I remember when we were first married and thinking ahead to 25 years and feeling as if it was 'unattainable' or feeling as if I would be really old when we celebrated 25 years. Well, we did it! I must confess, on some days I do feel a bit 'old' but for the most part I feel the same...6 kids later and with many moves/events over the span of 25 years. I am very grateful to God for bringing Dwight and I together all those years ago. Who would have 'thunk' we would be where we are today, with the children we have, doing what we do every day? God is a faithful God and I praise Him for His provision of a man who loves Jesus, desires to serve Jesus and loves me as his wife and loves his family. Now, in case you are reading this and have some idea or sense we 'have it all together' and life seems too rosy for the Polivka family, think again! We have mostly raised five children (all who were at one time under the age of 6). The last two arrived as a set of twin boys. We have 3 teenagers still at home. We walked through the valley of death as we lost a son at birth, we have been jobless and penniless, faced dark days of depression, had times of discourse with church family and immediate family, faced times of doubt and confusion, moved several times (the last move being the most extreme and life altering) and the list could go on. However, God has been on His sovereign throne everyday of the last 25 years of our marriage. He knew beforehand each obstacle and each joy set ahead of us and has been the good Shepherd to lead us down the path. I can honestly say, I would not change anything over the last 25 years. I am looking forward, with a new anticipation to the next 25 years. What will we be like then? Who will God have in our lives and how will He be using us? Hmmm, does make me wonder!

In late June we took a road trip from OR to IL for our oldest son's (Caleb) wedding.  We stopped off in Colorado for a pastor's conference with pastors from a network of churches we are affiliated with. This is always a great time of encouragement, teaching and fellowship for the pastors and their wives. And of course, who would not love Estes Park, CO?? Beautiful!  -  One of the blessings of this stop was to visit our daughter RJ.
 Jerome and Kimra Dybzinski

She lives with a dear family (the Dybzinski Family) whom we have loved and been blessed by their friendship for almost 23 years. She attends school, works and serves/worships at one of our 'sister' churches in Ft. Collins, CO. She has been there a year now. God has plugged her right into the place He has prepared for her. She is happy, loving life, loving people, serving and being encouraged on a daily basis. Not sure what He has for her long term, but from this Mama's heart, I am at peace. I miss her terribly, long for her to be with us here, but it is evident God has her right where HE wants her. Who am I to fiddle with His plan. I actually have a bit of a 'spiritual envy' for how God is using her and growing her for His glory.
 

We left CO and continued on our trip. We arrived in IL about a week and half before the wedding. As a family, we had not been back to IL since Christmas two years ago. All of our family lived in IL (both sides) and our kids grew up with their cousins who were all staggered in ages with our kids. The trip for them was like a two week cousin reunion. Great fun for them and for me. I was incredibly blessed to see all those little people who grew up together now become bigger people interacting and enjoying one another. Something about having older kids, being all mature, 'adult-like', discussing life and having fun...it melts your heart! Those with little kids...just wait. These ages and stages are a blast. Worth every tiresome minute of raising little ones.

The Four Musketeers Cousins 

Anna and Stephen - Euchre!!


The Polivka cousins (missing Aime and of course the Groom - *day of the wedding

The wedding was on July 5 in Naperville, IL. The venue was Meson Sabika. Meson Sabika is a 5 star restaurant affiliated with Dwight's side of the family. It has been a part of our immediate family for 23+ years. Wonderful tapas, spanish cuisine. Caleb, the groom, slept on a blanket as a newborn at this restaurant as well as bent and smelled all the flowers as a cute toddler. All of our kids were raised here for family meals and gatherings. Due to God's provision, Caleb and Rae were able to use this special place as their wedding venue. The wedding was simply beautiful and the reception was a party to remember. So fun! I told my self I would enjoy this night without inhibitions and I did! I had a darn good time at my oldest son's wedding. :)





Speaking of changes, I must admit, I was not prepared for the full impact of giving our son over to another. I love my new daughter (in-law) but this is a huge deal in a mother's life. A pretty big deal to know your boy is now united with another for life. The whole thing took me a bit by surprise. Oh, I knew it was coming, but the moment it finally became reality, every snapshot of raising this boy flashes before you. I saw him being born, first steps, riding his bike for the first time, reading 'Green Eggs and Ham' to his little sister, catching his first fish, winning his first spelling bee, wrestling on the floor with his little twin brothers, first day of high school, major surgery when he turned 16, graduating from high school and crazy road trips with his other little sister. These images quickly flash before my eyes and I know I am his Mama but this Mama has to let go. Not an easy thing. God is good. He has given our boy a beautifully talented, lovely girl who adores our boy. I have no doubt she will love him and treat him with gentleness and kindness.  However, it is a change in the cycle of life. We give birth to these children, raise them by the Lord's power and we pray they will go out and marry and begin the cycle again. Our boy has done well! We praise God for his new wife and look forward to what God will do in their lives. I am thankful. (I am a bit concerned I have to do this 5 more times!!)

My girls!! RJ, Rae and Anna

We came home to Oregon (drove 37 hours straight) and had a slight reprieve with just our girls home. Then we hosted some delightful friends (Jared and Natalie) from CO. We showed them around parts of Oregon and shared what we love so much about this place with them. Lovely visit!

The 'honeymooners'  then came for about five days to visit. It was very special to have them end out their honeymoon and vacation with us. We felt privileged.





About a week or so went by and we drove full speed ahead in preparing for another BIG change in our lives. My parents moved here on August 7th. They moved from IL to OR. Crazy!! My father was approached my Western Mennonite School (where our kids attend) to be a Bible teacher. After much prayer and the Lord's leading, they took off for the 'wild, wild west'. My brother and his wife traveled west with them in the yellow Penske. We thoroughly enjoyed showing John and Karen around parts of OR and sharing the bounty Oregon has to offer. 



My parents live in a cute little house about 15 min from us and about 5 min from the school. We are so excited to have them here by us. We have lived in OR for 4 years now without any family. God has been so gracious to give us 'church family' to fill in the voids when needed. We have adjusted well! However, to have grandparents once again attend sporting events, graduations, drama performances, and concerts will be incredibly cool! To have these two wonderful people support our kids in this manner is a blessing, not to mention the every day interaction with real life, joys and struggles. We are blessed. We feel like God has granted us more than we ever imagined. (Eph. 3:20-21). Please pray for my parents as they adjust to this big change in their lives. Pray God will equip them for every good work.
  Mom and Dad in their new house!

Lastly, and definitely not least, we feel God will be finalizing a new family member for the Polivka family. Very soon we will know for sure if a little guy is our new son and brother. If not, we will rest in God's plan. However, all roads are moving to the same boy. To protect him and our family, I will not give out his name, but Lord willing, in the next few weeks we will know if this boy will be our son. The adoption process has moved quickly towards him and we are excited with a bit of fear and trembling. We feel very called to adopt. We have complete peace in the process. But...we are very aware of how our lives will change, morph and become something completely different. This boy (or whomever God has already purposed for our family) desires a 'forever family'. We desire to be this FOREVER FAMILY to this boy. He will be the youngest in our family, he will be the little brother, he will be adjusting to us and we adjust to him but most of all, he will be our son. We will be his family. This is a serious thing in our family and every family member is ready and up for how God will use them to care for this boy. Make no mistake, we will be the ones changed and blessed by him. This is a picture of the gospel. We have been adopted into the family of God by His mercy and grace...unconditional. We will adopt this boy into our family with grace...unconditional. We pray he will come to know Jesus as he lives and loves us and as we live with him and love him. PLEASE pray for our family. We need our 'brothers and sisters' support, encouragement and prayer.

We encourage all those who would like to add another book to their reading list, to add (and read!!) Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore. This book has been life changing and has opened our eyes to Spiritual lessons and life lessons. Adoption is not for everyone, but everyone can support adoption. Please consider reading this book.

*Final updates on the adoption to come soon

I am at the end of the Polivka updates. So many changes this year! God is good. God is sovereign. We are not perfected and continue to work on 'stuff' in each of our lives, but we are blessed. There are some days I look at the world and all the evil happening and I say, "Lord Jesus come quickly." For whatever reason, the Lord has me and my family, living this life for now, doing our thing. He has plans set for my family and for me. (Jer. 29:11).  We pray He uses us for His glory and for His purpose. We love our family, love OR, love our church family, (Creekside Community Church) and praise God for the school (WMS) our kids are blessed to attend. Yes! God is good!

Another Chapter in the Life of the Polivka Family. Exciting News!!

Below is a letter written by my husband, Dwight. He beautifully shares the journey we are on as a family...the new chapter we are creating as a family. Please read and pray with us to the Glory of God! May His will be done!

Adoption – A New Family!

For as long as we can remember, Jana and I have felt led to adopt; to bring an unwanted child into a family where they might experience a new reality.  God put it on our hearts early in our marriage, before we had kids, not as an alternative should we be unable to have children biologically.   However, He also opened the flood gates with biological children.  Consequently, were never at peace with the timing or feel His leading to follow through with this call.  So, it went on the back burner…until now. 

A couple years ago, for several reasons, we sensed God moving us again in this direction.  Unlike many things God puts on our hearts, adoption requires a significant amount of preparation in order to be in a place where we can respond to the call.  With that in mind, over the past year we have been in the process of getting approved to adopt through the foster care system.  At this time, we have completed everything required and are now in a position to receive a new family member when God reveals who that child might be. 

Before we bring you up to speed further regarding where things are and how you can help us in this process, you may be wondering why.  Why would we consider bringing another child into our home?   After all, aren’t five kids enough?  And, Dwight, aren’t you better suited as grandfather material at this advanced stage of your life?  What are you thinking?  So, here is where our thoughts are.

As children of God, I’m not sure we really appreciate and understand His heart as described in regard to adoption.  Ephesians 1:4-8 is one of several places God uses adoption to describe the new reality for those He has saved.  

“In love He [God] predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself,

according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.  In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us.”  (Ephesians 1:4-8)

The bible is very clear that we are ALL broken and continually fall short of His glory.  What we have ALL earned and rightly deserve is His wrath – not His love.  There is none among us who would choose Him; quite the opposite.  Left to our own devises we run head long the other direction, shaking our fist at Him the whole way, and even having the gall to blame Him for the problems in the world.  

Yet, it was precisely when we were in that state, when deservedly dead in our sins, that He made us alive in Christ.  He poured out His love by taking on our death and giving us life.  But, unbelievable as that is, it goes even much deeper than our forgiveness and eternal life with Him.  As if that isn’t enough, our new life in Christ is not only a past event and a future hope, but an ongoing, present, reality as we enjoy the most intimate life we can possibly have with God.  We are now His beloved children; adopted into His family! 

He has given us equal footing with His only begotten Son as co-heirs with Him.  We can cry out to God “Abba”, (i.e., Daddy), and know He not only hears us, but causes all things to work together for our good.  Even in our most sinful moments He loves us.  He will NEVER forsake us.  Nothing can separate us from His love.  We are part of His forever family.   And this present reality is based completely on His love; initiated by Him; at His expense; as we were chosen by Him; and, brought into His household forever…through adoption!  It is this heart which He in turn gives us and then calls us to do likewise, to be imitators of Him, loving the unlovable. 

However, as He equips us He does not have us all walk the same path to accomplish this end.  He uniquely calls us to serve in various ways as we love with His love.  For some, it is literally to have His heart in bringing broken people into their family through adoption.  That is what He has put in our hearts; beginning with Jana and me and now extending to all of our existing children. 

What does this mean?  What might that look like?  And, why are we sharing it with you in this manner?  Well, we are not thinking of adopting an infant.  In fact, we are not even considering a young child.  We believe God is leading us to adopt from one of the “least desirable” groups – an older boy, somewhere between 8 and 11.  There are many reasons for this and we would love to discuss them with you individually if you are interested.  That, however, is not necessary here.   So, why this letter?

It is our sincere hope that God will graciously show us how best to serve Him in this process.   While we have no clear idea who He might direct to us, we would like to begin with our family – both church and biological.  We are praying that if, perhaps, there is someone already connected somehow through our existing relationships, (extended family member, neighbor, friend, etc.) who is in need, God would make that abundantly clear.  With that in mind, if there is anyone you are aware of who fits this description, please let us know so we can prayerfully explore that possibility.  While it would be logistically easiest to adopt a child from Oregon, we want to be open to what God is doing.  Our certification allows us to work with any state in the country, as long as the child is in a state foster care system.  Please be aware as you consider this, these situations are all very unique and it may or may not work out.  But we feel it most important to explore possibilities with our families first. 

This leads to another, most significant, reason for this letter.  We are not entering into this endeavor lightly or blindly.  This step requires not only our dependence on God, but the support of our biological and church family.  A new child, especially with the types of brokenness inherent in children coming out of the foster system, will completely and permanently change our family.  So, please pray for and with us as we walk this path. 

Finally, we are sharing with you what God is doing in our family; not making a call to action on anyone else’s part.  Certainly God may use what He is doing in our lives to prompt others to consider adoption for their family.  Should that be the case, we would rejoice and be more than willing to discuss what the process looks like, along with all the things to be considered in taking such a step.  Whether you are at all interested or would simply like to be more informed regarding adoption from a Christian perspective, we HIGHLY recommend you read, “ADOPTED FOR LIFE”, by Russell D. Moore.  

Thank you for your prayer support.  Please let us know if you have questions or would like to simply discuss this journey further.

With His love,
The Polivka family

God Of My Everything, the Creater of the Heavens and Earth

I had a moment with the Lord today. I know we can consider each moment we live and breath a moment with the Lord, as we should. However, on this day, I know God met me...where I needed to be met, at the exact moment. 

I drove to PDX today for an appointment. This whole week we have had awesome weather. Sunny, blue skies, temps in the 60s or 70s. I took off for unknown and uncharted places with a bit of fear and trepidation. (Note: I am directionally challenged and was very thankful for hubby's map and for Siri) As I was on the drive I was already marveling at the beauty of the day. Everything is so green right now and every bush or tree is in full bloom with such amazing color and scent. I had a phone conversation with a dear sister in the Lord on the way to Portland. She and I share similar prayer requests. As I hung up on the call, I was a bit overwhelmed with some heavy stuff, stuff of the earth which can wear us down. I put my ipod on and chose my worship mix. There were a couple of songs that were familiar and ministered to me and God was doing a work through these songs to bring my focus back to Him and not the cares of the day. Then the song by Bebo Norman came on my mix. The song, "God of My Everything" came on my mix. The words, 
"God of my heart
God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing
God of my strength
God who is always and will forever reign
God of my everything" 
was sung by Bebo. I thought of all the 'stuff' I am working through and anxious about. I thought of the 'stuff' I struggle with or what brings me pain. God reminded me of His strength and His healing. 

About the time the song was nearing an end, I came around a bend in the highway and looked up and there was Mt. Hood, all HUGE and in my face. The sky was clear, glorious and this mountain was standing tall and glorious! It was if God was speaking directly to me! Saying, "I got this, I made this mountain and I got this." Then, just a second or two later, as I kept driving, I saw to my right Mt. Hood and to my center view ahead of me, at the same time, was a glorious view of Mt. St. Helens. God was speaking to me, to me. On this ordinary Thursday of April 25, God was showing me His greatness, His power and His faithfulness. As if He was reminding me, through the power of His awesome creation, "I got this for you." 

Talk about 'angel bumps' and tears...they came at that moment. God, the Creator of this wonderful, glorious, 'standing tall in the sky' mountains, has my concerns, my cares, my anxieties, my worries and my pain. I was humbled beyond words. HE HAS THIS!

This week our Women's Bible Study looked deeply at Psalm 121. I was the leader/facilitator of this study. 

Psalm 121 

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
² My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
³ He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
⁶ The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
⁷ The Lord will ^[a]protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
⁸ The Lord will ^[b]guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

As amazing as these glorious mountains were to me today, and the Lord knew I needed to see His majestic creation today, He knew I needed the reminder of how He, creator of the mountains (the Universe), has my everyday concerns in His care. However, even more amazing, is how my HELP comes from the LORD the CREATOR of the heavens and earth. I do not need to focus on the mountains, I need to focus on the CREATOR of the mountains. He has it ALL! He will not 'slumber' or 'sleep' on His watch of me, or His watch of those who belong to me.

This was a beautiful moment for me. I am eternally thankful. God, the Creator of the heavens and earth, has my anxious, worrisome thoughts in His care and perfect plan. Praise God! 

"Oh God, let me give these cares of this world to you. Let me release it all to you and trust You for Your plan and Your perfect will to be accomplished. You are a good and faithful God. I give you glory and praise for the beauty of Your creation today. Thank you for showing me just a fraction of  Who You are in the beauty of today. Amen" 

Bebo Norman - God Of My Everything (Radio Version)

Oh God of Heaven come and help me in
Gather the pieces that are broken
Show me the wonder of You again
Oh God of Heaven

God of my heart
God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing
God of my strength
God who is always and will forever reign
God of my everything

In all creation You call my name
In all the beauty that this world displays
Still I'm the one for whom Your heart aches
In all creation

God of my heart
God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing
God of my strength
God who is always and will forever reign
God of my everything
God of my everything

And when the mountains shake
You are my God
You never change
And when the earth gives way
You are still God
You never change

God of my heart
God of my need
God of my pain that no one else will ever see
God of my healing
God of my strength
God who is always and will forever reign
God of my everything
God of my everything
God of my everything
God of my everything

How did this happen? (not really needing an answer!)

My mind is reeling! I have so much in my head right now. Some I can share and some I can not...yet!

The past few days have been a bit disheartening. Due to the news and events in DC, (and news feed on social media sites) I have struggled. I confess. 
But that is not all. I see so much hurt, selfishness, anger and loss out in our world and it makes me sad. I get this hurtful feeling in the pit of my gut. (Anyone else know how I feel?) I think of my own children, a couple who are adults already and a few still home, and I panic for what the world will be like for them. I tend toward a negative view that it will only get worse. I know, I am "Debbie Downer" right now. It is so hard to see, hear, learn, experience all the world has to give, take and experience and not be fearful! 

What happened to the 'Biblical' principals our Nation was based? What happened to solid morals? What happened to love and grace among people? What happened to to grace and love among/between people who disagree about issues? What happened to showing grace to those who do not show grace? What happened to common decency and thinking the best about others? What happened to absolute truth? Where did it go? How did this happen?
I know how this happened...sin. We are all sinners, selfish and out to get our own way. 

There is an answer. There is a way. By the grace of God, we have access to forgiveness and redemption. We have access to His grace to impart on others, even those we do not agree with. Or to show grace to those who do not agree with us! As we enter into this Easter weekend, I feel all this 'distraction' has been purposeful by the 'enemy' to change our purpose, to keep our eyes off Jesus, who walked the road to Calvary and died a painful death for me, for my selfishness. For you! 
As we look to Good Friday and then Resurrection Sunday, I am praying God allows me (us) to NOT BE DISTRACTED by the schemes of the deceiver but to be focused on Jesus who rose again, was victorious over SIN AND DEATH! And gave us NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! Eternal life.

"He made the One who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him."  (2 Cor. 5:21)

"God
loves all people, all genders, all ages, all people groups. Today i
will stand with Christ on his definition of what a marriage is :
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" - Matthew 19:5
I
have no interest in taking away freedom, or creating controversy, but
rather just to wave the flag for Jesus above all causes. I am more
interested in biblical truth than I am with aligning myself with what
the world deems acceptable." (taken from a post on FB)

As for the fear thing...for my kids and their future? Well, that is a daily trust thing I am working through with God. Not perfected. Sigh...I wish I could say I have conquered this fear.
"In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me [or my kids]?" Psalm 56:11 

Choosing today to trust God with all this; the un-graciousness I hear and see, the immorality in the world, the hurt, the loss, the anger, the selfishness, the pain and the uncertainty of the future. Choosing to trust God today...
Will have to choose to trust God tomorrow  as well... 
One day at a time sweet Jesus...

I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.
Chorus:
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.
Do you remember, when you walked among men?
Well Jesus you know if you're looking below
It's worse now, than then.
Cheating and stealing, violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

Talking about 'Lent'

"It is a universal rule of the entire family of man, in every place and at every time, that man wants to do some great thing by which to restore himself to the favour of God." ~ Charles Spurgeon

 "Whoever wishes to be my follower must deny his very self, take up his cross each day, and follow in my steps." – Luke 9:23 

In our home there has been some discussion about 'Lent' and what it means.  How do we participate in Lent or do we participate in Lent?  I know in years past, some in our family have 'given up' something. I have gone 'without' for the 40 days in the past in observance of Lent. Today is the beginning of the Lenten Season. On FB, twitter and other social media forms, I have noticed people sharing their thoughts or even what they are giving up for Lent. It has made me ponder this practice in a more personal way. I will not take credit for the words written below. They are written by our Pastor. However, I so appreciated his perspective on Lent and wanted to share it on my blog, with permission of course. :) 

"While many people associate Lent with self-sacrifice or religious ritual, the miracle of Easter that we are going to celebrate in a little over a month is about Jesus and the freedom and life we have in him.  Lent, when properly focused should be a time of reflecting on his sacrifice for us.  Our Chrisitan life should be not about "self abasement", but about "holding fast" to Jesus (Col 2:18-19).  Our life isn't about festivals, church holidays, and elementary principles of the world, but it is about being "raised up with Christ" and is about "seeking the things above, not the things that are on earth."  It is about setting our "mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth, for we have died and our life is hidden with Christ in God."  It is about repentance and faith and hope, knowing that "when Christ, who is our life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory." (Colossians 2:20-3:4). Please, regardless of the day that it is, don't forget the words of Colossians 2:16-17: "Therefore let no one act as your judge in regard to food or drink or in respect to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath day--things which are a mere shadow of what is to come; but the substance belongs to Christ." " 
~ Steve Mansour

I am praying for my own personal sacrifice this 'Lenten Season' as I prepare myself for Good Friday and ultimately Resurrection Sunday.  (Growing up my father never said "Happy Easter". It was Resurrection Sunday and he would say, "He is risen!" and we would respond, "He is risen indeed!") I am praying God will continue the process of refinement and show me more of me that needs to go and more of Him that needs to fill me up! I want to 'live, breath, and be poured out for Jesus Christ' and yet, there is much work to be done. Praising God He is not finished with me yet. Praying I can be shown what is needed to deny myself and follow Him. Praying this season of Lent will be about taking on more of Christ and being poured out to others. "Lord, take my pride and selfishness and do Thy will!" I truly wish this to not be another Easter season which comes and goes...I desire genuine change. I know there is pain and hardship in the change. I pray I am fortified and ready. He has done a work before and will again, if I am willing. "Lord, make me willing."

Praying the Lord meets you where you need to be met this Lenten season...in whatever form that takes on. Praying the people of God will rise up and be authentic and real. Praying we can come along side each other, with humility, and love with Christs love. Praying we can reach the lost with the message of grace, hope and love this Lenten season. 

“I have come to see clearly that life is more than self. It is more than doing what I want, striving for what will benefit me, dreaming of all I can be. Life is all about my relationship with God. There is no higher calling, no loftier dream, and no greater goal than to live, breathe, and be poured out for Jesus Christ."--Jamie in Brother Andrew's "The Calling”
― Brother Andrew, The Narrow Road: Stories of Those Who Walk This Road Together [With This Road CD by Jars of Clay]

words from an old hymn...
 "Make me willing to wait patiently
for the answers I’ve prayed for so long.
Make me willing to listen to Thee
and to say “not my will, but Thine be done”.
Make me willing to thank Thee for tears
And for the heartaches that cause me to pray.
Will you make me a vessel the Master can use
Keep me willing the rest of my days.

My Father points the way to go
Then makes the way for me.
He tells me I must trust in Him
My faith will help me see.
The road may not be easy
The testing will be great
But then my Lord reminds me
That He will help me wait."

Perfection is reserved for our eternal home.

"Humility is perfect quietness of heart, It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in the Lord, where I can go in and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble"

- Andrew Murray

Feeling as if I am getting some good kicks to humble myself and then more kicks while I am down. Funny thing about feeling low. How does one handle the lessons of humility? With humility? :-/ 

The quote above by Murray is a 'kick' to myself and my pride. I struggle to 'feel nothing done to me' or to 'be at rest when nobody praises me, and [feel nothing] when I am blamed or despised.'  I have had times when I have been really low, as in humbled. And then there have been times when I have been blinded by my own self-control and pride to see the lesson in front of me.

Recently I feel God is doing another major refinement in my heart, soul, and life. He is using several situations to reveal my heart, my motives, my thoughts and ultimately my sin. It stings! "Lord, why must we feel we have come to a good place only to be knocked down and see our selves for who we really are?"  "Lord, why is perfection reserved for our eternal home?" 

I know all the answers to the questions I ask. And scripture provides the answers to the questions I ask. But are these not questions we ask when we have been knocked down/humbled over and over? Am I the only one? 

"When pride comes, then comes dishonor, but with the humble comes wisdom."  

 Prov. 11:2  

"But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, 'God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." James 4:6-7

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you."  

1 Pet. 5:6-7  

God's Word is clear about pride and humility. The James passage follows up the pride verse with a 'submit therefore to God' and a 'resist the devil'. Funny how our submitting to God brings us to a place of humility and how the devil is involved in our pride. Self-control or being in control sneaks up on me (us). I sometimes do not even see it coming. It is kinda like a self sufficiency thing for me. Ultimately, Satan tells me I have it all under my own control and I do not need anyone, especially God. I do not really hear those words or even say them, but my life will 'live this out' and then the pride sets in. The 1 Peter passage tells me to 'humble' myself 'under the mighty hand of God' and He will 'exalt' me at the proper time. This tells me God's mighty hand (the stuff that kicks me down to the place of humility) is purposeful and planned. Sigh... 

Those of us who are strong and secure in who we are could be weak and insecure sometimes, but we do a good job of controlling the outward look. Where is the balance? Can we be strong but weak? I am working through this balance. God is taking me through this time of refinement to humble me, yes, absolutely! However, I am searching for the balance of being 'who' God made me in my temperament and character AND living humbly with honesty, realness and vulnerability. Wondering about the balance of His creation in ME and showing HIM to those around me? I am not outwardly weak. However this comes across to others as needing no one and even prideful or not allowing God to meet me where he is needed. Ouch!

Praying I can learn and grow from the humbling 'kicks'.  

Trusting in a God who is in control. 

Looking for the balance. 

Praying for His perfect balance for me and knowing all the more...

'Perfection is reserved for our eternal home.' Come Lord Jesus, come!  

"If you believe in a God who controls the big things, you have to believe in a God who controls the little things.  It is we, of course, to whom things look "little" or "big."
Elisabeth Elliot